Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
