What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
