so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
