sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
