Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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