There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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