A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
