Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
