Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just had sex on a roof
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
