the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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