Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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