I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Two words: nipple clamps
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