Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
