dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
