im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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