my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
