Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
