u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
