Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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