OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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