sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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