Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
