I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
