so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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