and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
