i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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