i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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