Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize