Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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