new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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