Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
