I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
