Having a random hookup so left but love u
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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