and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
