I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
