So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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