Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
