I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
