Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
