I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
