yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
