You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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