if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
