If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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