PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
