White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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