What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
