i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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