if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
