It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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