after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
