that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
