remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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