Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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