I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
