Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
