You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's always time for handjobs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
