The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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