wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
