whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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