You're my little dorito
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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