come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
tell me about the eggs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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