You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
