Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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