lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
