Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
