you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
