I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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