I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
