I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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