i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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