Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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