i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
