Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
