can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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