If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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