i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
