piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
