We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
