Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
