I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
