If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
