He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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