I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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