you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
