You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
