The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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