Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize