We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
